I know that I’ve been struggling lately. I tend to hermit when I start floundering, this has been the case lately. My social anxiety gets to a point where I am afraid to pick up the phone and make a doctor appointment. I make excuses like “I really don’t feel good” to get out of normal adult responsibilities like going to the grocery store. Then when I do manage to get to my destination I feel super awkward with whoever I have to talk to. I said before that days all one kind keep chasing each other and well I keep letting them. I’ve forgotten that my happiness is my choice. It’s the choice between staying up until all hours of the night so I sleep most of the next morning away and find myself rushing to shower before my husband is supposed to come home at 5 o’clock. I procrastinate even putting on clothes with a million excuses but most often that “I don’t want to disturb the dog who is such a sweet little cuddle bug he curls up on some part of my body.” oh and there’s the ever positive “I don’t have anywhere to go anyway so why not save myself some laundry.”
But this my friends has to stop today. I must hold myself accountable and make some rules and guidelines for myself. I am the one standing between myself and my bliss. I am lazy and complacent and need to choose activities and behaviors that are healthy, active, and motivating. I cannot let myself get caught up in my head and lost in a sea of unknown. I must tackle one day at a time, one decision at a time, one workout at a time. It is the difference between a million days chasing each other and leading to more of this…. Cause this isn’t working anymore.
Tomorrow I will wake up, I will work out, I will choose to do things that make me uncomfy and slowly day by day find my way back to my happiness. And if sometimes bacon and beer get in my way I will do everything I can to not beat myself up about it.