Shanna Geezy

Just another confused little American girl… Rambling my way through the thoughts and the days.

Anxious Annabelle May 23, 2012

Filed under: Anxiety,Health,Help,House,Past...,Trouble?,wish — shannageezyro @ 10:44 pm
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Not really sure why I chose that as the title… I really like the name Annabelle, it’s also possibly because I think if I were someone else I wouldn’t feel how I feel most of the time. I’m not trying to complain but I hate being stuck in my own head sometimes, well actually most of the time. I spend a considerable amount of time trying to talk myself out of thinking so much which is really just more thinking. The amount of pointless and paranoid thoughts I have number a quantity beyond what can be measured by humans. I don’t know when it started but I’ve always been so unbearably aware of the consuming chaos that resides in my brain. It makes it hard to make decisions. It makes it hard to have friends. It makes it hard for me to feel like I ever do anything “right”. It also makes me supremely aware that there is no “right”, or “wrong” just a million different variables I obsess over which lead me to the place I am.

FLOUNDERING.

I am overwhelmed by my inner dialogue, the hundreds of thousands of what ifs whirl around each other and because I lack confidence I do nothing. At least this place (home) I can control. I can let people in, I can make people get out. But if I go somewhere there’s outside things I can’t control. Especially since I can’t even control what’s going on in my head it feels like it’s too much. It seems to me that every time I go anywhere everyone knows I have no freaking clue what the hell I am doing out in the “real world” so I try to avoid it unless I have someone to handle the things that I can’t or don’t want to. I feel like a giant fake and a  fraud. Is the world is full of cyborgs who don’t have to deal with my obsessive thoughts and know exactly what to say to push me over the edge and straight back to the sacred comfort of my house?

YES! According to my brain.

I wish there was a way I could shut it off but there isn’t. I have tried unsuccessfully to experiment with ways to discover my shut off valve but I have only gotten myself in trouble and failed miserably.  If I were named Annabelle I could be tougher, maybe I’d have a cool accent and my eyesight wouldn’t be so horrible. Annabelle would never “shermit” (my husband’s name for my hiding from reality). Annabelle would have done all the things I did “wrong”, “right”.

I am conscious that these feelings are not unique to me. Lots and lots of people cope with anxiety and a large volume of thoughts. It really is better than it has been in years. With age comes wisdom… I guess today I’m just regressing and can’t get a handle on what’s bugging me.  So now I’m wishing I’m someone who never had to deal with it. We’ll see how it goes I guess.

 

Mrs. Romanbowubbleard April 26, 2011

Filed under: House,Love,Lust,Uncategorized,wish — shannageezyro @ 12:07 am

On April second… In the morning while I was curling the frizz the boyf asked me.“Do you know what today is?” He does this sometimes when it’s a day of note… Like a random anniversary or something… It turns out it was exactly 2 years and seven months of dating, how could I forget my Wub?! Yes darling of course that’s what I’m thinking on a Saturday at 7 am, exactly 2 years and seven months ago my little heart met the love of my life. When I answered that I had no clue. He informed me that not only was it 2.7 years of sheer love and happiness being together it was also the 2 year anniversary of us living together in sin. How nice of him to remind me. Also it was the day his grandfather proposed to his grandmother. It already seemed like it was a jam packed day and I had no idea that that evening at  around 7 pm he was planning to ask me to be his WIFE! As we walked up Missouri Street to get to 18th the boyf got down on one knee and became my forever. I am so happy I get to spend the rest of my life with him. I can’t wait to count his wrinkles like I count Havana’s.

On September 4th, exactly 3 years and 2 days from the day we first met I’ll be Mrs. Romanbowubbleard! Here’s a few photos from our engagement session that I loved! We’re a pretty cute couple if I do say so myself. Our (way in the future) babies are gonna be so cute!

 

Havana Romanbowubbleard January 24, 2011

Filed under: Havana,House,Love — shannageezyro @ 4:45 am
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This is Havana… We got him from a family in Martinez who could not take care of him. The person we got him from had only had him for a week and before that he had been to a few other homes. He’s going to take some time and patience but he’s already starting to come out of his shell and give us a peek at the little dog he’s going to become. We hope that once he’s feeling better (we don’t think he had his puppy shots so he has some problems with his digestive system) and done with all his antibiotics he’ll be the best fur baby in the world. And the boyf is such a good Poppa I’m so happy to start this adventure with him.

 

Romanbowubbleard House Tour October 25, 2010

Filed under: Help,House,Love — shannageezyro @ 9:38 pm

Since most of my house is clean and I am procrastinating yet another paper I decided to do a quick photo shoot. The pics turned out ok but they’re from my iphone so forgive me.

Also I have no idea why the order I keep putting them in keeps changing… I will mess with it later.

 

Just an Update October 18, 2010

Filed under: House,Love,Trouble? — shannageezyro @ 10:07 pm

Timmy our faithfully loud tortoise has been donated to Josh’s nephew. I do miss him and wish him well in his new home. I plan to double my lobbying efforts for one of these. It’s half french bulldog half Boston terrier. I can’t be pet-less.

 

You know you’re loved when… June 1, 2010

Filed under: House,Love — shannageezyro @ 4:50 am
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C’mon guys this one’s interactive! I know I have readers… My blogs stats tell me, I’m not sure exactly how many but it looks like around 20-30. So hopefully I can get more than a few of you to answer to this one.

One of my favorite sayings is “actions speak louder than words” I know the boyf loves me and there’s a million things he does everyday as well as using the words which further emphasizes this fact.

Just to name a few that occured this weekend:

Attended a country concert (Tim McGraw and Lady Antebellum)

Took my dog to Fort Funston and endured a multiple hour visit with my parents

Made me my favorite honey/lemon tea combination even though he didn’t feel good because I insist is tastes better when he does it.

Heated up my “warm things” (lavender heating pad he surprised me with from the Farmer’s Market)

Slept on the couch cause he was snoring so loud I couldn’t sleep

Fixed me coffee for me and left it on the counter after we cleaned the tortoise enclosure

When I told him I was going shopping happily assumed I would spend a certain amount of money and told me to go ahead and do it!

Held my tea cup without complaint when I decided to use him as my very own personal coaster cause I was too lazy to lean forward

When I said my tummicle hurted not only understood what that meant reached out and rubbed it

Sooo my question is… How do you know when your loved? What actions does that certain someone do that lets you know it without saying a word? Now don’t embarrass me! I better get some responses!

 

Timmy the Tortoise May 26, 2010

Filed under: House,Timmy — shannageezyro @ 4:19 am
Tags: , , ,

This is Timmy.

He is a Russian tortoise the boyf bought me cause we can’t have a dog and I am nowhere near ready to have kids. Every time we babysit or hang out with his niece and nephews it solidifies my conclusion that I can’t handle kids. (I do love being a quasi-Aunt though.) I am way too selfish and high maintenance to be fully responsible for a little human lifeform. Plus I don’t have anything sparkly on my finger, I promised my Grandma that I’d do things in the right order and that any child I conceive would be done so whilst married. Not that I have any problem with bucking tradition and conceiving the kid first… There’s just very little my Grandma asks for so I think I can come through on that one.

Anyways Timmy is not very evolutionary advanced.  He likes to as we call it mount his food. This is basically just him climbing into his food bowl and lowering his shell slightly several times before he begins to eat. The boyf says it’s because all he sees is a big green mound of stuff ( he eats the southern greens mix from Trader Joe’s it’s comprised of Mustard Greens, Turnip Greens, Collard Greens, Spinach, & we add Dandelion cause all the books say it’s a favorite) and he thinks it’s a female tortoise. Sooo not only do I have a stupid tortoise BUT if the boyf is correct and he’s attempting to hump his food he’s also a perv.

Whenever he does something crazy we tell each other “Look at your son!” Basically blaming each other for his shenanigans as if our behavior has any influence on his. We also call him fatty cause after he’s done trying to bone his food he eats everything in his bowl and it takes him a looong time to eat. Hours go by and I’ll tell the boyf “Fatty is still at it… He really is your son.” It’s not like Timmy shares any genetic material with the boyf (or me) so the fact that they both inhale anything resembling a food substance is not an inherited trait. When Timmy does what we call the Timmy Bump which is a variation of the food mounting, he repeatedly drops himself onto the bottom of his enclosure. The Bump is his shell hitting the bottom. The boyf tells me “Your son is annoying just like you.” I myself believe I am exponentially more annoying than Timmy, I mean come on all he can do is bump. I have million things I can do to pester the boyf!

Anyways I just though I’d introduce the littlest, scaliest member of the Ramonbowubbleard family. I’m off to annoy, vex, irk, & otherwise bother the boyf.