Learning to fly… But I ain’t got Wings

I’ve been totally stuck on this song as it’s been redone by Lady Antebellum. I managed to find it on iTunes and I am currently listening to it on repeat. This happens when I get all turned around and twisted in my thoughts like I have been lately. I have a confession guys (all like 3 of you who read this) I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING! I have this overwhelming urge to get in my car and drive far far away. But I know undoubtedly as soon as I got to my unknown destination I would be paralyzed with loneliness. I have this awful ambivalence towards my life  lately. I think back and wonder where I went? Or where did the person I thought I was go? I just don’t know how I got so lost. I mean I’m all about the road less traveled, I just wonder how  I got so far away from where I thought I was headed. And I’m so scared, but of what I have no idea. This is all just a big ramble, the kind of ramble a song that touches my heart makes come out. I used to spend alot of nights like this… In a dark room with some good music letting whatever needed to come out come out. I missed it and at the same time was glad I didn’t have to do it anymore. I’m still stuck on the road trying to figure this crap out.

Part of me knows how far I’ve come, the other part wants to know when I’m gonna get there. Most of me knows that it’s never about reaching a destination, it’s about the journey. About making everyday an experience and finding happiness in it. This I know is sometimes harder than others. But it is possible even in the darkest times to find some light to cling to. It’s been worse is what I tell myself. But I have this panic that rises in me… A little voice that wonders if it’s always going to be a question or if I’ll let go and stop trying to find the answers. Does it matter what I’m doing, where I’m going, how I get there?  The older I get the more I think no. But when will I stop trying and tormenting myself? I keep looking and searching…