I’m totally going to get my period…. I can tell because I can’t listen to a freaking song without tearing up, and yesterday at work when the new auditor I was trying to introduce myself to via email was exceptionally rude and replied to MY BOSS instead of acknowledging my existence I had a fleeting desire to walk out of the building. After almost 5 years with my previous company I made the difficult decision to move on. Too many days would go by where I felt unhappy and unappreciated. I started to feel resentful and angry. It also was apparent that my hard work wasn’t important and would never be rewarded with a fair raise or promotion. It’s difficult for me not to think I failed and realize that the economy, corporate structure, and the people chosen to be authority figures were most likely the reason I couldn’t succeed. I’m trying to be relieved that I got out and moved on. At least I won’t ever have to cash a check someone sh*t on or have a customer burp in my face. My boss seems knowledgeable and fair. I think she understands that her job is anything that needs to be done and doesn’t put things off until a day before the audit and then tries to find and fix everything that should have been done for the last 6 months. It doesn’t matter that she and I aren’t best friends, we’re coworkers. I can smile and ask her how her weekend was without worrying that because I wouldn’t go get drunk at happy hour with her I’m not going to get my vacation time approved. But I’m at a loss. While many things are the same because I’m still in the same field, many things are different. For the first time in a long time I’m not an expert and I can’t help the way I’m accustomed to because I have to learn a new system and variations of procedures. I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing. The hubo keeps trying to reassure me but I feel so confused… I want to be able to do it all already. It’s so hard for me to slow down and ask for help. Plus by taking this job I made it impossible to continue to go to school. I guess I didn’t realize when I was doing it that I was giving up my dream because I was torn about finishing. Now that it’s gone I’m sad. I know that I’m making this sacrifice for my family because we want to purchase a home in the near future and school was getting more and more expensive. I love my family and the life that we’re building together but I still want to feel the same satisfaction at work. I don’t know where this new job is heading… It has only been like a week of actual work (I had 2 weeks of training) but I just feel so out-of-sorts. I need to lift my head, look at the opportunity in the eye and roll with the punches but now I’M GOING TO GET MY STUPID PERIOD AND WANT TO CRY OVER A COUNTRY MUSIC LYRIC!
And they lived… In reality ever after. October 21, 2011
Well it’s a done deal! I apologize that I didn’t blog about our entire wedding process. Things distracted me…. But it was an amazing day and we absolutely loooved how everything turned out. I am so lucky to have and to have joined such a loving, wonderful and talented family. Special thanks to my new SIL (sister-in law) I was so worried about her, being pregnant and sick during the wedding but she made it gorgeous and included like everything we had ever talked about. A bonus is that the photobooth the Hubo built has already been “rented” out twice! Maybe we’ll launch a DIY photobooth business and be able to afford our dream fixer-upper sooner than we thought! So excited to share these gorgeous pics from our new friend Kurt Manley (www.kurtmanley.com). There’s lotsa new stuff going on and I’m hoping to have more time to blog in the future but I’m off to go enjoy newlywed bliss!
Love, love, love, love CrAzY love… May 15, 2011
I am so excited to be marrying my Mr. Romanbowubbleard. He is everything I have ever wanted. We spent our Saturday night cleaning and “being old” and as I sit and listen to the sound of the rain and him and my darling puppy sleeping I know that I want this.. I want him for the rest of my life. Every mistake, every right, every left turn, green light and everything in between have led me to this wonderful man who is not perfect but is absolutely perfect for me. Mr. Romanbowubbleard you are everything I have ever wanted. Thank you for choosing me, thank you for putting up with me and thank you for loving me and Havana (your fur baby). You are my everything. I can’t wait to see what the future holds for us.
Mrs. Romanbowubbleard April 26, 2011
On April second… In the morning while I was curling the frizz the boyf asked me.“Do you know what today is?” He does this sometimes when it’s a day of note… Like a random anniversary or something… It turns out it was exactly 2 years and seven months of dating, how could I forget my Wub?! Yes darling of course that’s what I’m thinking on a Saturday at 7 am, exactly 2 years and seven months ago my little heart met the love of my life. When I answered that I had no clue. He informed me that not only was it 2.7 years of sheer love and happiness being together it was also the 2 year anniversary of us living together in sin. How nice of him to remind me. Also it was the day his grandfather proposed to his grandmother. It already seemed like it was a jam packed day and I had no idea that that evening at around 7 pm he was planning to ask me to be his WIFE! As we walked up Missouri Street to get to 18th the boyf got down on one knee and became my forever. I am so happy I get to spend the rest of my life with him. I can’t wait to count his wrinkles like I count Havana’s.
On September 4th, exactly 3 years and 2 days from the day we first met I’ll be Mrs. Romanbowubbleard! Here’s a few photos from our engagement session that I loved! We’re a pretty cute couple if I do say so myself. Our (way in the future) babies are gonna be so cute!
2011 February 28, 2011
I’m not sure what to think about this year so far… It started splendidly with a lovely mustache themed 29th birthday.
Then we had the pleasure of making Havana Romanbowubbleard the newest member of our family. He really is a great fit for us. He goes on adventures with Poppa in the Tahoe and loves to cuddle up and keep Momma warm at night. Josh who admits never actually wanted a dog absolutely loves the “Havanimal”.
Somewhere in mid-January 2011 started taking a turn for the worse. I’ve been sick for allll of February. And while nothing awful has happened to me personally friends and neighbors have had awful and tragic events occur. It makes me grateful for my life and health but at the same time I keep thinking that it has to get better than this. It just can’t keep going this way.
Let ‘Em Whirl.. December 11, 2010
Lately I’ve been drinking Jamba Juice coffee cause Starbucks raised their prices. On the cup it says “Making the whirl’d a little more cozy… One cup at a time.” Or something along those lines. It makes me think of this song and how we’re all still growing up. Despite all the responsibilities we’ve all taken on, I’m still waiting to see who we’re all going to become. I can’t wait to see who the boyf becomes, and what we’ll become together. I love him so much, he makes everything more wonderful one day at a time.
Whirlwind running through my head
Wasted words that people said
The wind is howling at my door
I don’t listen anymore
The darkened sky blocks out the sun
Still reeling from the damage done
If I go out and chase that wind
I might not make it back again
Let ’em whirl, who am I to say
You gotta do things different
I know a better way
Let ’em whirl, there’s a child in everyone
Who’s got to ride the storm out
To see who’ll they’ll become
Let ’em whirl
The simple things are hard to see
I got you and you’ve got me
No cause left for us to fight
Being wrong’s a God-given right
Let ’em whirl, who am I to say
You gotta do things different
I know a better way
Let ’em whirl, there’s a child in everyone
Who’s got to ride the storm out
To see who’ll they’ll become
Let ’em whirl
We all learn the hard way
We can’t pretend to know
Where life is gonna lead us
Or which way the wind will blow
Let ’em whirl
Who am I to say
You gotta do things different
I know a better way
Let ’em whirl, there’s a child in everyone
Who’s got to ride the storm out
To see who’ll they’ll become
Let ’em whirl
Who am I to say
You gotta do things different
I know a better way
Let ’em whirl, there’s a child in everyone
Who’s got to ride the storm out
To see who’ll they’ll become
Let ’em whirl
The Story of us… December 7, 2010
I’ve mentioned the boyf before. And how very much I love him. He is my everything and I truly am the luckiest girl in Nor Cal for having him in my life. He is one of the most generous people I know. Loyal to a fault, he would do anything for one of his friends and of course anything for me… He is my bestest friend and genuinely a good good person. Before I met him I had quite a few failed relationships because I thought I could change an ass hole into a good guy or I tried so hard to make something out of nothing it would implode in my face and leave me looking like a psycho cause really ladies, a few dates does not make a relationship. And as much as we hate to admit it’s true…. Sometimes if you give the milk away for free they really had no intention of ever buying the cow and will keep drinking until you have the guts to stand up for yourself and take what you deserve. I had my heart broken a couple times and learned that it’s not something you give easily and freely to everyone you meet, relationships are about giving what you get. This reciprocation can mean sometimes you’re giving everything you’ve got and other times you’re simply filling up space and having fun. My method was to keep a bunch of eggs (boys) in a bunch of different baskets and not get too attached to them. If one of them broke or disappeared I had another one. (This makes me sound kinda slutty but it wasn’t like that.)
Before I met the boyf I had made a general shift in my approach to dating. Whatever I got I was going to give back and just have fun… If the guy was an ass hole well, I’d be a bitch. If he was nice but lazy I’d be nice but lazy. And if someone gave it their all I would too, but not too much too soon. I didn’t want to be the only one falling in love. However long it lasted I was going to make the most of it and if for some reason it wasn’t fun anymore I’d find another dude… There’s plenty of fish in the sea and life is too short to deal with someone who isn’t going to give you what you want or need.
I’d met guys at bars, guys at work, guys at school, guys through friends. In my opinion you could meet someone anywhere. Most people don’t know this but I met the boyf online. I know in my personal online dating experience the majority of the men I dated were a little on the odd side. I didn’t expect to ever meet anyone like the boyf. Especially since the site I met him on I hardly ever interacted with except to take online quizzes (kinda like the ones in Cosmo). When we first started corresponding he was in Greece with his best friend and actually answered and email telling me he was out of the country. I thought this was a little lame I mean what kind of guy bothers to respond to an email from a girl he’s never met. But that’s just the kind of guy the boyf is… Courteous and loving, polite and wonderful!
When he got back from Greece we tried to set up a date… He tried to squeeze me in. It was something along the lines of “I’m meeting some friends for drinks in the Lower Haight but we could grab dinner before.” My response was polite but assertive. I told him to give me a call or a text when he had some more time. I didn’t want to be an inconvenience but I wasn’t going to start the trend of being a second priority. I deserved an evening without having to fit into his schedule. It’s totally something we all do to people but I would rather not go on a date than be fit into a little time slot.If you consent to this kind of thing right off the bat you’ll always be put in this position and trust me it gets frustrating. Ask for what you want and you’ll either get it or not. If not it just means he’s not the right guy. The right person will want to give you everything you need.
Well the boyf responded accordingly, he immediately set up a dedicated night for us to have dinner. He even made reservations and insisted on picking me up. (He almost killed me on the way to the restaurant) but we made it and I can honestly say it was the best first date I’ve ever been on. It was like I had known him forever. I barely ate my dinner cause we were talking so much. He was funny, sweet, cute, and had the sexiest blue eyes I’d ever seen. I still get lost in those puppies. I knew I was in trouble. I had a bunch of eggs in other baskets but suddenly the only egg I cared about was the boyf. It turns out I had nothing to worry about.
Our relationship progressed without any drama or questions that usually plague the beginning stages. I didn’t stress if he was going to call every five minutes, cause he did. It was so easy and one night at a Giants game he introduced me as his girlfriend. And I was . A few months later he asked me to move in with him. And I did. I can talk to him about anything and everything and he is always there to support me. They say when you meet the right one you just know and there aren’t any questions, only answers. Well in my experience this is true… I love the boyf for helping me find them all.
Why DO I? November 15, 2010
Thanks Joe Purdy for writing a song that’s speaking for me today… FYI I’m kind of a mess.
Late at night,
Midnight movie.
got no one to talk to,
No one to see.
and I am counting stars as I lay awake dear
I know you ain’t far,
But I know you ain’t here with me.
So why, why do I get so lonely when there really ain’t nothing wrong.
Cause I can sleep just fine when you hold me.
Can’t sleep at all when you’re gone.
Yeah and why why do I stay out drinkin’
When I should just get back home.
I guess the company of strangers.
Is better than drinkin alone.
Too tired to sing.
Walking down the street.
And still cant sleep.
Just too many things,
I got running around my head.
Can’t put my thoughts to rest.
Think i’ll wait outside your door,
When you wake I will confess.
So why, why do I get so lonely when there really ain’t nothing wrong.
Cause I can sleep just fine when you hold me.
Can’t sleep at all when you’re gone.
Yeah, why why do I stay out drinkin’
When I Should just get back home.
I guess the company of strangers.
Is better than drinkin alone.
So why do I get so lonely when there really ain’t nothing wrong
cause I can sleep just fine when you hold me
cant sleep at all when you’re gone
Yeah, why, why do I stay out drinkin’ when I should just get back home
Guess the company of strangers.
Is better than drinkin alone.
So why do I get so lonely when there really ain’t nothing wrong.
So why do I get so lonely when there really ain’t nothing wrong.
So why do I get so lonely yeah there really ain’t nothing wrong.
Shanna Geezy 